Wife: Can you make something like that?
Me: Sure.
Wife: Do you know how?
Me: No idea. When do you want it finished?
I'd like to think that my motives are always noble, and typically, for my simple home projects they usually are. Unfortunately, my DIY attitude spills over into just about every area of my life. For me, asking for help is often more painful than the ensuing hurt that often comes from going at it alone. What is that, pride? Delusion? A little of both? I'm sitting here thinking about this after just putting my 5 young children down for the night. The screaming has stopped, the tears have dried, and here I relax, reverently bowing to a large bowl of icecream (of which I had to steal from my in-laws, there's a good reason we don't stock this stuff in our house). My wife has been away now for 4 days visiting our other kids in Haiti. I think most would agree that parenting is not meant to be done alone. It sucks. But that won't stop me from trying. Now, I'm no martyr. I've certainly had help. My parents and Kristin's parents have stepped in and helped a lot. But, honestly, a part of me resists the help. Part of me wants to prove that I can do it alone. The house won't fall apart. The kids will get to school properly dressed, with hair combed, and on time. In all likelihood, I won't lose a single one. In this case, I've accepted help, but truthfully, I've been slow to ask for it, which brings us to grace.
Grace comes when I realize that not only can I not do it alone, I can't do it at all. When I think about the last decade of my life, I wonder how much effort I've wasted trying to make myself right before God? How many times have I tried to pick myself up after failure, vowing to try harder next time? How many well intentioned promises have I prayed in an effort to fix myself of my flaws? All for what? Here I am now, 10 years later, not much better than I was then. Still deeply flawed. Still struggling to maintain a fluent relationship with the Creator. Attaining nothing near the quality of spiritual maturity I thought I'd be at by now. Somehow I missed grace. Could it be that it is grace all along that makes me acceptable before God? Why can't I realize that it is not what I am doing but what Christ has already finished that earns me favor with God. Maybe God isn't sitting on the edge of his throne, waiting on my every move, ready to hurl lightning bolts or sprinkle goodness on me. It's amazing how that little change in thought changes your whole perspective on living. No, the do-it-yourselfer and the Gospel do not mix. For some reason, the acceptance of grace is relatively easy to accept in salvation, but so difficult when it comes to daily living, or sanctification if you'd prefer the big theologically sounding words. But, if I couldn't earn God's favor then, when I was lost in sin, and if I needed the obedience of Christ and the cross to set me free from my sin, am I living in any more freedom now as I obsess over how I'm doing? It seems that I'm still a slave to the sin, past and present, that is keeping me from God. What if sanctification is not about reaching a somewhere-out- there potential in Christ, but rather is about living up to who you already are in Christ? How would that change how I think and act? No more wondering if I'm doing enough. Christ did enough. No more frustrations over failure. Christ didn't fail. No more lamenting over unfinished work. Christ finished his. No longer will I find myself looking at myself, but instead will be free to find awe in Christ working in me. My fear of not living up to God's expectations will be replaced with a passion to become exactly who he created me to be.
Why would we choose to see it any other way? Because we've all got a bit of do-it-yourselfer in us. Some more than others.
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