Faith (and popcorn)

A few weeks ago, Kristin and I took our two oldest boys to a monster truck show at Lucas Oil stadium. The boys were thrilled to watch Grave Digger, Maximum Destruction, and about a dozen other oversized, obnoxiously loud toys race around the arena field. And they certainly weren’t alone in their excitement. Fifty thousand or so other children, of all ages, made the trek to the big city to cheer on their favorite Hot Wheel as it crushed its way around a manufactured dirt course. Shortly after finding our seats, which was quite the journey in its own right, I was tapped to make a popcorn run. I figured this would be easy enough. I was pretty sure I saw the lines forming at the concession in the vestibule not far from where we entered our section. Unfortunately, the concessions closest to our gate just sold the last of their popcorn. But succumbing to my hunter/gatherer instincts and refusing to return to my family empty handed, I forged on. Apparently, the popcorn planning committee greatly underestimated the redneck fan base’s hankering for popcorn. I passed concession after concession only to find remnants of kernels what once were. Stubbornly I pressed on. Oh, but there was hope. A fellow gatherer had found the elusive popcorn spring. The popcorn maker behind the counter was empty, but every few minutes a tub of popcorn would mysteriously appear from the back. I thought it better not to ask questions and quickly forked over a small fortune for my prize. Finally, with the sense of satisfaction that can only come from a giant tub of popcorn in one hand and a large coke in the other, I began my hike back to my family which were now, of course, halfway across the upper deck seating.

Heading back to my seat I had a pretty good idea of where I needed to go, but didn’t have hard confirmation with me. I maneuvered my way through the crowds (aimlessly searching for popcorn for themselves no doubt) and entered the tunnel that led to the section I thought would lead me to my seat. Upon entering the expanse of the crowded stadium, I turned to look up at the seating hoping to get confirmation that I was indeed where I should be. Hundreds of unfamiliar faces stared back at me. Confident that my instincts were right though, I took the first step. As I climbed the seemingly endless flight of steps, I searched intently for my beautiful wife and two boys. Where were they? Each step brought an increasing measure of doubt. Were my instincts wrong? Was it section 525 or 526? What was that row number again? Why don’t I see them yet? I kept climbing. And climbing. It wasn’t until they were just a few feet away that I noticed them. Relief. I excused myself to my seat , handed over the bounty, and settled in for show. As it turned out, my instincts were right after all.

For me, following God is not that much different. There might be some that move confidently through life without doubt. That’s not me. When I look ahead, I can’t see the end. I look for something substantial, but often only see unfamiliarity staring back at me. I wonder if I’m going in the right direction. If I didn’t miss something along the way. Sometimes I wish God didn’t seem so elusive, that his directions were more obvious. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to rely on the subtle nudges of the Spirit. Wouldn’t a pillar of fire or a puffy white cloud be much easier to follow? Why leave room for doubt? Because I think that’s where faith begins. Questions leave the seeker unsatisfied and creates within him the desire to pursue. I think that’s what God wants from us, pursuit. Faith is taking that first step, and each step after, even when you have questions. We can take those steps, even in uncertainty, because Christ became man to show us the way. He gave us the cross to make us a way. And He gave us the Spirit to guide us along the way. In this I can be confident. Unlike my own instincts, or sense of direction which has fooled me a time or two, the Spirit always points me to the Father. I can doubt myself and I can doubt my ability to figure out God, but I can’t shake my faith in God. I guess that’s because He gave it to me in the first place. If it was anything of my own making, I’m not too confident I wouldn’t have lost it along the way.